Those donuts are not for you...

Okay... I am kind of twisted, but this had me in stitches. I copped it off of the blog of Josh Griffin, Youth Pastor at Saddleback Church.



No donuts for you!!!

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Ministry Hues

It hit me, somewhat literally, a few years back.

I was in a training class, learning strategies on how to deal with teenage girls in a Christian setting. As usual, the trainer led us through pre-class worship, a cappella. Today, as promised, he was taking our pre-conference staple to a new level. He brought a tape deck.

After we finished, still caught up in the alternative tunes still playing, he asked me what I thought of the music. I replied that it was okay, which was true; I liked it. He was dismayed by my answer.

“Cool? How about Dy-No-Mite!!!! You cannot tell me that you don’t love this band. I don’t believe that you don’t have their CD.”

Somewhat fearfully, I intimated that I did not know the band at all, much less own any of their material. Big mistake.

In a fit of panic, our instructor jumped up, flailing his hand, and his pen flew out and clunked me in the head. Amid his apology, I made a mental note to clone his CD collection for private study to protect my health.

“You have to be kidding me… you have not worshipped to this?! What about Sonicflood?” He proceeded to rattle off the names of several Christian rock and alternative bands. To each, I had to reluctantly admit to not being a fan. He was beside himself.

After an awkward pause, I found the courage to ask him a question.

“You ever listened to Trin-i-tee 5:7?”

“No. Who is he?”

“They are a female gospel trio. Huge following,” I supplied.

“Oh… no… never heard of them.” He became thoughtful. “Touché.”

Believe it or not, I was not on a crusade that very moment. While I did feel smug, I honestly was not trying to go for a civil rights victory. I do believe that despite all the time we had spent together, this was the first time he noticed me. Yeah, he knew I was black; I am sure that he knew that I would never be able to give candid advice on which sun tan lotion to use. However, I think it finally occurred to him that culturally, I was a little different, and I am not sure he knew what to do with that.

Since I have lived in mostly huge metro regions in the south, I am familiar with the oft-recounted tales of Sunday Morning, the so-called Most Segregated Day in America. Being the son of immigrants, an exposure to cultural diversity was a priority. Thus, we attended mixed congregations, but almost always defaulted to predominately white churches. Going to college in Chapel Hill reinforced this norm.

Of course, when I started working in the church, I gravitated to the same; mixed membership churches where I could fit in but not disappear. I prided myself with the ability to learn how to adapt to any environment without losing my own personality. I was able to retain my love for gospel music and urban mannerisms even while worshipping with the suburban folks. However, my first few forays into youth ministry left me feeling like a poorly-cast understudy of Sidney Poitier in Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner.

One time, when I arrived for an interview, the confused church secretary had me wait in the foyer for a half hour while she held what must have been an emergency conference with the senior pastor. Seeing an African American show up in a suit and tie was just too much for the sweet lady’s sensibilities.

She came out of the office, and asked again, “Are you Tre?”

“Yes, Ma’am” I replied.

“Are you sure?”

Strangely, I did get an offer from that church, so I guess it could have been worse, particularly since I never thought to double check my identity.

At one church at which I served, I got to meet the parent of one of my more active teens. He did not regularly attend church, but had heard about me a great deal, he said via email, and had been browbeaten into attending our Fall social. When I walked up to him, he actually shook my hand and walked by me and introduced himself to our senior pastor, thinking that it was me.

No sweat… I figured he’d come back eventually. He did.

It was easy to justify the resentment that built up. During a job hunt, one pastor was honest enough to tell me that I was perfect for a position, but that due to recent issues, the appointment of a black person could potentially split the church.

Honesty hurts sometimes.

See, I just refuse to see things as black and white (pardon the pun). Humbly, I have seen way more than most people will see in terms of pain. I spent time being tortured because of my faith when I was a teen, and most of the physical and mental pain was inflicted by people who outwardly looked like me. At the end of the day, there is a simple choice to be made: I can either use differences as a crutch, or I can roll with it. In fact, allowing people into my soul allows me to accept them, and hopefully be a good reflection of the One we serve.

Race will be a hot button topic for years to come. Globalization has ensured that we have had to get closer, maybe faster than we were comfortable with. Tough.

There has always been an unspoken rule… things that black guys shouldn’t do. Like skiing. Or whitewater rafting and skydiving. Some would add swimming competitively to the mix. In any case, to keep my Urban Card active, there were activities I could not enjoy.

I have been the black youth guy, the token staff mixer, the lone injection of culture and the beacon of integration. I used to resent being the standard bearer. Now, I think it is somewhat of an opportunity: an opportunity to broaden my own horizons. Learning that it is not my mission to integrate the races was a humbling, but necessary step in my own spiritual journey.

The answer is not throwing in the towel and choosing to return to secular work; it isn’t becoming a race martyr in my own mind. It is simply acknowledging the good, forgiving the bad and remembering that people will be people.

Standards today are different than they were decades ago. I am less of an anomaly, and that is a good thing. We minister to people with varied backgrounds. The lines that separate the races are blurring, and some mores of old are fading to obscurity. My job is to make sure that I don’t settle for being the diversity quota; I can be an agent of change

So, I did go skiing. Most of the trip was spent reflecting on how something so seemingly pure and beautiful could inflict so much pain. My ego will forever be scarred by the little kids who pointed and giggled at my predicament on the zero-degree bunny slopes. Years of playing soccer could not prepare me for the sore shins I obtained. God may have intended for minorities to ski, but I am thankful He did not make it a requirement to get to heaven. Even watching snowboarding on TV makes me break out into sweats.

When I think about it, through the years, I have felt most accepted by the teens themselves. I have been blessed to mentor teens that see me through colorblind eyes. And at the end of the day, that is what it’s all about right?

Recently, after an especially strenuous game session that preceded our Saturday youth meeting, my hope that I would be given a few minutes to lick my wounds and catch my breath were thwarted by Stephen, one of my newer young people. We had talked about haircuts a while back, and he had wondered about the texture of my hair. Why did I have my hair cut it so often, he asked.

“Well, we black dudes tend to do that.” I said without really thinking.

He looked at me, and in complete astonishment, said, “That’s right! You aren’t white!”

Now, Stephen looked down at me and told me he thought I was great (he must not have seen me play snatch the bacon).

Perplexed and humbled, I looked at him wordlessly.

“When I grow up, I wanna be cool like you. I want to love God and work with the difficult kids like me.” And with that, he walked away.

While I do admit I have seriously considered adding that to my email signature in bright orange with a link to audio attached, in my more lucid moments, I am unashamed to say that in that instant, I am quite sure I got more from him than he did for me. Forget culture. I want to learn from people like him, and I thank God for showing me how important that is.

White water rafting is on hold for the time being. Hey, we all have our limits…

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Tech integrity

Interesting post over at MMM pertaining to integrity. Now, Antoine is one of the most genuine people I have ever met; sad, because not too long ago, he was in the Maryland Area, and I was in Ohio. Now, we are both in the Charlotte area, and we still haven't gotten together.

In any case, since I review items myself, this went straight to the heart. Thanks for the write-up, A!

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Drawers Police

Seems like underwear will continue to be a theme of discussion in the 2008 Olympics.

I admit, this story leaves me feeling very uncomfortable and frighteningly vulnerable for some reason...

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Horrible stats... 9,000 missed basketball shots?

9,000 missed shots? 300 lost games? Why on earth would they ever give him a ball?

Stumbled on Brent Carl's blog. Interesting blurb on MJ's "other side."

It should not be that hard to believe, should it? Failure makes us better.

Great writeup, Brent.

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Stripped away

I am a fairly confident guy. I am sure that a lot of guys, like me, sometimes have a problem striking a balance between necessary confidence and outright arrogance.

Whenever I make the inopportune step towards the obnoxious, I have a built-in balloon popper: my wife. And on the the extremely rare occasions when she does not get the the job of pulling me back down to earth, God conveniently steps in.

I have learned to generally back down at step one. Every now and then, I get so caught up in the fabulousity of Tre that I miss it.

In any case, in the past two weeks, it seems that the balloon poppers have been coming from everywhere. I do believe there is a celestial conspiracy to keep me level-headed. How do you explain the inexplicable loss of my BlackBerry on trash day? I had just given my wife an old phone to use while figuring out what to do about getting her a replacement. I did make a tongue-in-cheek comment about her not needing a power-phone like mine because she had not yet earned the status of power-user. A few hours later, this self-proclaimed power-user was phoneless.

Whatever.

Then, while checking out the hits to my blog, I was astounded. I had finally hit the big times. Someone had read my blog from Finland! I leaned back in my chair, imagining the web awards and accolades I was sure to get. I mean, seriously... how many bloggers can say they have readers from Finland? I started thinking which wedding picture would be taken down to make way for my blown up "Blogger of the Year" plaque.

Well, at one of the games I coached Saturday, I was reacquainted with one of my players who had just returned from vacation. Where? Not Belgium, which I hear is beautiful this time of year. Not Australia, with Outbacks to die for. Did they go to Panorama Point, Nebraska? Of course not.

You guessed right. She had been in Finland.

Last week, I decided to talk to my mentor, Ernie. Ernie is a man I respect immensely. I had coached his daughter Haylee, who in turn was something in-between a daughter and baby sister too me. His family had been there for us through tough times, and we love them all dearly.

I found that Ernie had changed his phone number and email address. Undeterred, I texted Haylee, asking where the heck her dad was.

"Who is this?" She asked back.

"What do you mean? It's me -- your favorite coach ever."

A few hours later, I got a text back. "Allen? How are you? Where have you been?"

I hate Haylee. A lot. I refuse to speak to her or her Dad (as he'll will no doubt find it extremely funny) ever again. So there.

Nothing builds you up (and conversely keeps you grounded) more than interacting with people. Love makes us float; love also keeps us humble, one way or another. When we don't allow it to, unfortunate things tend to happen.

The failings of public figures show this. Recently, the extramarital affair of a former presidential candidate was plastered on the news. What made it even more wrenching was the circumstances that surrounded it, specifically the health issues being faced by his wife.

When you peel away the bevy of partisan commentary, all the condemnation, excuses and requisite statements and rebuttals from the pundits, what you have is a person who admits that he started believing the hype. And therein lies the lesson.

The loss of my phone (coupled with smashed laptop) allowed me to reevaluate real time with my family. My player from Finland is an angel, and I would not trade her for another player. Plus, I still have a Finnish reader.

Haylee... I am still undecided on. I really did think I was her favorite coach, and if I am not, I'll beat her till I am.

In Him,

TL.

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Youth ministry gone bad...

Caught this on Scott Hodge's (Pastor at the Orchard) blog.

Note to self... motorcycles and ministry don't always mix, particularly when the mixing is attempted away from open roads...


http://view.break.com/545222 - Watch more free videos

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Another great day on the field

Day Two of the tourney... and it started out drearily.

First, I was good to go at 7.00 am for what I thought was an early game. It was cloudy, and a bolt of thunder prompted me to check the weather and my email before leaving.

Turns out that the games were pushed back due to inclement weather. Further information would be relayed to us.

So I spoke to my team manager, and she explained that the game was scheduled for noon. Well, being hearing dyslexic, I thought she said 2.00 pm.

So, one can understand my consternation when I arrived at the field thinking I was very early just to find out that my ladies were already toiling without me. With what we have been through, they didn't need a missing coach added to the mix.

I was really upset.

We lost that game 2-1. I hated that we lost. Still, we played with no subs against a Classic-level team, so I think we should be proud.

The second game was a nail-biter. We held on for the 1-0 win against another Classic team, so the ladies really deserve kudos. We played the last five minutes a man down again due to an injury, and the ladies kept at it, and won.

Gotta say that I loved the coach of the second team. He was gracious, respectful and compassionate. When one of my players got hurt, he made sure she was okay and even offered ice (and we were winning at the time). I found out that he coached the sibling of one of my players. In any case, my kind of coach.

Seeing my ladies with their parents, smiling while accepting their trophy and individual medals is another memory to be cherished.

I am proud of these warriors!

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What a day...

So...

Coached my ladies for the first time today. Two practices, and then we had a tourney this weekend. Uh oh.

As if that was not dicey enough, we had to play with only eight players (meaning no subs in an 8 v 8 game) as one of my key players broke her foot. Add in the heat and fatigue, and you'll understand why I was ready to temper my expectations, in a matter of speaking.

Well, the girls decided to shock me. First game, they came out swinging. The fatigue began to set in, but they kept at it, not complaining, and actually had some great opportunities. We actually went up, but gave up an almost inevitable goal in the second half. The opposing coach did a great job of using our fatigue to his advantage, and made timely substitutions accordingly.

All in all, it was a game where my ladies showed their grit. Salvaging a 1-1 tie made me extremely proud, particularly when they could barely run against ever present fresh legs.

The second game was a bit more lopsided in our favor. At first, we just could not convert the opportunities. But when we scored, the floodgates were opened. We scored 7 goals in quick succession to close out the half.

Now, one thing I learned from one of my mentors is that during games, each coach is coaching 22 (or at this level, 16) players at a time. In other words, each coach is also responsible for the other team as well. Your actions and directives as a coach weigh on the psyche of the opposing team almost as much as they do on your own team. Therefore, I feel strongly about running up the score; I always try to keep the score in single digits.

In any case, the ladies acted with class, and we won 9-1. The other team would not quit, and credit has to go to them and their coach for that. We were just very fortunate to be able to match them very well 1v1, and I was even able to surreptitiously (I hope) yank out players for breathers and sips of water while evening the game somewhat playing a man down.

I always marvel at how phenomenal young people can be. Here they were, drained from the sun, exhausted and a little dehydrated, but they did not question my request to respect the other team and the game. It's moments like these that make it all worth it, even more so than the win. Again, my players teaching me... I live for that.

All in all, I am excited about this team and parents. I could not have asked for classier. I know tomorrow will be tougher, but today, I could not have been prouder.

Woohoo!!! Go Lightning!!!

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Polling booths, donkeys, elephants and ministry... oh my!

Was reading a youth pastor's blog, and came across some commentary aimed at the current political climate. A comment from another minister made a passing reference to discussing such issues as the fact that the "right candidate" was crystal clear.

Okay.

My thoughts on this might not be the most popular. I am of the opinion that youth work and politics outside the most general of concepts just don't mix.

If I may be so forward (and potentially burn bridges while doing so), I was dismayed by the amount of influence the church attempted to exert in the last major political decision. I humbly believe that our Model could have done the same in his time -- but chose not to.

Back to youth ministry... political leanings should be left to parents. There is never enough time to discuss daily issues that are right in-front of our eyes. Why split that time with issues outside our realm of focus?

Recent news about the failings of prominent politicians brings such discussions to the forefront. Kids today are also way more in tune with current affairs than we seemed to be. Even more interestingly, they seem to care more. Still, I think it is important to set boundaries when needed.

When I was on staff at a christian school years ago, one of my kids had the most interesting views, views which he never hesitated to share. They were not crazy or extreme; I marveled at how defined his political and philosophical leanings were at his age. When I met his dad, it became quite clear as to who his influences were.

We (hopefully) have a lot of influence with the people we work with. Hopefully, what we try to impart is repeated to friends and family. When my young people are discussing our time together and what we discussed, do I really want discourse on tax breaks and international detente to litter the landscape?

A healthy respect for the political process is good. In fact, I'd say it should be expected. The specifics, however, may be best left outside youth ministry-related discussions.

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New season

I have coached soccer through the years... different age groups, both sexes. Having just moved back to North Carolina (where youth soccer is huge) I have been blessed with an opportunity to work with two teams for two clubs.

Being a coach is a huge honor. You have sponges in front of you, and everything you do has to be up to par. Thus, you rise up to the challenge of being a better person, or you get tossed to the wayside. There is very little room for moral ambivalence, so you tend to be surrounded by upstanding folks, and good company tends to breed good habits in oneself.

I have learned not to make promises, particularly with girls. Never, ever say that you will do some act if they win some difficult game. This is why I have pictures that may preclude me from ever holding public office.

The best part is that you learn how to learn. You almost always take something away from every team you are involved with, if you are open. The relationships you develop with players and parents are meant to be cherished. I still call some of my "original" parents today, who live far away. Some of my "kids" are in college, and the phone calls are things that will never get old.

I love the game, but it is the people and experiences that make it so worthwhile. I cannot wait to create new memories with my current team.

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Out and about in Concord

Quick blurb about some great church people I met in Concord.

First, had a great time with Steve Petty and Eric Pruitt from Concord Christian Church. Steve serves as the Family pastor, while Eric pastors the youth.

Steve and Eric were warm, and we talked about growth and respective ministries. I came away with a lasting impression, which was cemented when I took them up on an offer to visit them on a Sunday.

So, I did, and was really impressed by the service. I admit to attending with preconceived notions, but we really enjoyed the service. The music was relevant, the guest minister was engaging, and the members were truly welcoming. No, not talking about the fake plastered-on see-right-through you smiles; these folks took me around without knowing that I knew anybody there.

Bottom line? I would go back. That church seemed so alive, yet close-knit, and we left touched. Plus, after service, Steve and Eric took the time to still meet and spend time with us. Whatever KoolAid they got, I'd be happy to drink, because it is a great reflection of Him.

Also, I mentioned attending a networking sit-down with some local pastors. Two of the guys I met, Jon Hernandez and Nathan Goss, are on staff with Concord First Assembly (high school and middle school pastors respectively). Now, these fellas are the Cheech and Chong of youth ministry. Their chemistry is astounding, and I can only imagine how they leverage that into church ministry. The fountain of ideas was endless, and I picked up some great organization from them. They are running point on what looks to be a great youth ministry programming get-together: Vibe. As soon as I able to beat them up for more info, I'll be posting.

Now, CFA is a vibrant church as well, particularly interesting considering its size. I love the folks there, and not just because Pastor Ross is a fellow Crackberry; not just because he is a UFC fan; but also because the genuiness you see in his youth staff seems to emanate from him.

Quick shout-out to CFA Lead Associate Doug Witherup.

I wanna also name another gem in the area: Matthew Hunt, Youth Pastor at New Hope Worship Center. He is point person for the Youth Commission in the area.

Great youth people in this area.

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Taking charge of technology

I am a techie at heart, so I love to see technology harnessed for the purpose of ministry. I am big fan of "taking it to the streets" and meeting people in their own environment.

When it comes to youth, though, we inevitably face one of two problems. It seems we are either left behind or we become too entrenched in the fad.

I recently read a thread about a youth pastor who wants to initiate bible study with his youth via AIM. I love that, and would be very willing to try it. I think an informal bible study would be great, not just for youth groups, but for small groups as well. It could bridge the gap between the one or two formal church days and the rest of the week.

It would be fairly easy to set up; many phones are equipped with IM-pooling services, and every youth in my last group had unlimited texting plans. You could even use the latest social crazes (think Twitter and Facebook) to enhance such studies.

Point is, our kids are moving, and we need to keep abreast, as long as their interests are served and God is glorified. I believe there are empty spaces; why shouldn't we try to fill it up?

But then there is the flip side; becoming overly dependent on remote servers, and killing the "people" part. Are we prepared for the moments when a text, MMS or email won't just do? Do we remember how to emote, or do we become trapped in a world of cyber-smilies and abbreviations? Do why unconsciously tie in a church's worth to the "quality" of its website and availability of podcasts? Do we measure our respective ministries against the corporate feel of our Blackberries, iPhones and Treos?

Just food for thought... I have been caught in the trap before. I started loving the technology way more than what I supposedly got it for. The presence of Bibles on my Palm became more of draw than the content. I was content to allow my devices and supposed technological know-how transform to the object of my ministry, versus its rightful place as a tool.

Still, temptations aside, I love challenges likes this, and seeing guys and gals thinking outside the box. Bottom line is that we can allow the pulpit be an anchor or we can haul it off with us. As we set the pace for Him.

Another blog that explores how to use technology for ministerial endeavors is Mobile Ministry Magazine. I do contribute there from time-to-time.

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Blast him in the head!!!

Fellowship can come in many different flavors. I think the savvy youth minister realizes this, and allows him/herself to be a credit to His kingdom.

I take my hat off to Ben Morro, youth leader at Broadus Baptist Church in Concord. I love to see folks thinking outside the box, and Ben has done just that. He and his team came up with the idea of hosting a dodgeball tourney, and are opening it to like-minded youth groups in the immediate area.

Now, I have never met Ben in person, but I want to take the time to celebrate a fellow minister busting through to open doors for people. Sometimes, it really does not have to be some earth-shattering discovery; it can be as simple as a well-aimed projectile to the head.

Enough of that... you guys wanna know more about the tournament, right?

Contact Ben at bfmorro at yahoo.com.

YIC,
TL

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