Indictment

I am a nobody.

I have a healthy sense of self-worth, but in the big picture, I am tiny. What it comes to heavy hitters in the church, I might crack the top 20 Million List. Maybe. Locally. Nah... I don't have a Wiki entry, and my Twitter followers list is pretty small. On Facebook, I'd have even fewer but for the long list of former players and youth I have mentored over the years.

My rants don't go viral at all; when reporters are looking for soundbites from prominent ministers, I don't get calls, and no president has requested my presence at the Inauguration. Now that I think about it, not even local councilperson has asked my thoughts on any particular topic.

My youth group is relatively small. The church where I serve at has a smaller congregation than the number of people who work the parking lots at some churches in the same city. In our part of town, you might not hear about churches making responsible pushes for renewable energy, but you might hear of (or actually physically hear) a shooting.

Nah, we are not rolling in the dough right now. Charlotte was hit hard by the mortgage fiasco, and the effects trickled down. In the past year or two, my church has even come to understand the word "under-employed" with regards to having a job... sort of. A lot of people can relate to that. I mean, to make it to camp last year, my youth group depended on the goodness of a former player's parent who donated a huge sum to our group.

Charlotte is a city of dichotomy. There is so much, and so little. Frankly, there is only so much that people like me can do in my insulated bubbles, because we don't have a lot to give. There will be homeless, hungry, hurting people because there just ain't enough love to go around.

And I have been BRILLIANT at lying to myself. Tough talk, but truth hurts.

It occurred to me, fairly (and shamefully) recently, that if I am called to make a difference, I need to allow myself to be called. All the way, no excuses. It just occurred to me that being a resource means literally being a device that reflects God's love to everyone, all the time, through my social networks, through whatever gifts I have been blessed with, and definitely in person. I have had to remind myself that every time I make an excuse to not reach out, I am eclipsing the very grace I have so cheerfully accepted for myself.

In my little nook, I am big stuff. I do make a difference. It is humbling and uplifting at the same time. When Ms Jackie gives me a kiss on the cheek and blesses me for my work, or a parent thanks me for taking time, or a youth tells me he thinks he may be called to minister... I remember that God has a plan, and I need to work harder to listen, and to follow. Now, I need to make a bigger difference, because I can. I can be a better follower, husband, dad, son, brother, uncle, nephew, pastor, trainer. And even more.

There is a lot of work to be done, and I refuse to trick myself into believing He is calling someone else to do it. And as I call myself out, I pray God gives me the strength to be who He needs me to be.

Let's go get 'em!